“A nipple,” I grunted as I squatted down on my kitchen floor, looking for the missing apparatus. “I am missing a friggin’ nipple.”
“Excuse me…?” I heard an unfamiliar male voice behind me.
I turned to see my neighbor standing in the doorway of my mudroom. I looked up from my most unladylike position on the floor and as our eyes met, I could feel the blush creep across my cheeks – only adding to my embarrassment.
“I am sorry, I should have knocked. I saw Charlie in the yard and he told me you were back here. I was just hoping to borrow your extension cord….”
Now that I was standing, I had to think fast. Should I pretend like nothing happened or try to explain? I knew the odds were good that the more I spoke, the more likely it was that I’d end up making the situation worse. Unfortunately, the good looking neighborly types tended to make me nervous and tongue tied.
Something about knowing I couldn’t just avoid them, like some random hottie at the bar, made the stakes seem higher. We’d be backing out of our driveways at the same time or bumping into each other at the convenience store down the street for possibly years to come. I didn’t need the cutie in question thinking I had some sort if mutilated nipple disfigurement every time we had a chance encounter. How was I going to get through the next 5 minutes with any shred of dignity still intact?
“Uhm, sure that’s fine. I just need to check on the baby first. Then I’ll get it out of the garage for you.”
“Oh wow, I didn’t know you had kids.”
The look on his face was priceless; it was one of complete befuddlement wondering how he could have missed something like that while living across the street from me all these months. Now it was his cheeks that were wearing red.
I laughed but it sounded nervous, even to me. What was that about?
“No, no my niece Amber is upstairs. I am babysitting for my brother. He and his wife are having their first date night since she was born. I really want to make sure everything goes smoothly but, honestly I don’t even think I can get this bottle put together right… I think I’ve lost the… an important component.”
I watched as realization formed on Ian’s face, then quickly faded to relief. Which I have to say was interesting. Was he relieved I still retained ownership of both my nipples or was he simply relieved that I was only babysitting and he wasn’t the most unobservant neighbor known to mankind?
My nervous laugh must have been contagious because now it looked like he was literally biting the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing.
A crackle from the monitor broke the semi awkward silence that was growing between us. Suddenly like thunder during heat storm in August that crackle -turned to a full blown roar.
I ran upstairs flash like, calling to Ian over my shoulder letting him know I’d be right back.
Wait.
Was I really trying to make sure he didn’t leave? How was that supposed to be a good idea? I had a screaming baby on my hands and I couldn’t even put the bottle together right! I sure didn’t need a witness to that.
I collected baby Amber and attempted to calm her but it was obvious that nothing other than her beloved bottle would soothe her. Where was that nipple!?! In my urgency to tend to Amber’s cries, I forgot all about the good looking neighbor and the baby monitor sitting on my kitchen counter.
“Helyo babee Amba. You's a sweet luvin gurl aren’tcha. That’s right – you’re auntie Tess’s sweet gurl… Oh, you sweet lil’ thang come ‘ere and give auntie Tess some luvin’ kisses.”
“Mwah…. One for this cheek and… Mwah one for that cheek.”
Wow, when did I become so baby crazy?
Amber seemed to find my antics amusing and shrieked with laughter when I did my best Barney imitation as we made our way down the stairs…. “I love you, you love me – “
Suddenly, my sanity returned when I caught a glimpse of the broad shouldered man standing over my stove. I stopped at the foot of my stairs and peered into the kitchen, watching Ian prepare Ambers bottle with ease.
“Uh, wow. Where’d ya learn how to do that?” I asked incredulously.
Now I was the wondering if I’d missed the telltale signs of a single dad.
“Well Auntie Tess…” Ian said with a crooked half smile on his face.
This was a smile which caused me to shrink back on my heels a bit. I couldn’t be sure from the glint in Ian’s eye if he was laughing at me or with me…
“Some of us are just more… Experienced… Than others.”
His statement immediately caused my left eyebrow to rise of its own volition. Logically I knew that any of his experience was exactly none of my business.
This time Ian did not attempt to smother his chuckle.
“It’s probably more family history than you care to know but, my parent’s divorced after I moved out of state for college. My dad remarried. Quickly. To a women 20 years his junior.” he explained, shooting me an ‘oh yeah, you know what I mean’ look.
“Can’t say I blame the old man his wife is beautiful and a real sweetheart too – not the sharpest tool in the shed by any means but still a total sweetheart. Anyhow, I don’t know if he was planning on starting completely over or not but regardless, he became a dad again during my junior year. I spent the next summer at his place. I’d always been an only child and I didn’t want to miss out on my one chance to have a sibling. Jenny was 6 months old when I got there and we were attached at the hip. Plus, it didn’t hurt that she was the best chic magnet – Ever.”
I laughed, impressed by the ease with which he explained his less than traditional family structure and even more so by the ease with which he made Amber’s bottle.
Uh oh.
I started feel those long forgotten flutters deep in my tummy start to stir once again. A totally confident, not to mention hot, neighbor who was good with kids – I didn’t stand a chance.
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